Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
nutella sex= disaster
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
