Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
