My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Sorry about my life...
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
