OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
