found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
