Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Randomize
