apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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