she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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