Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize