the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
