It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
