I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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