i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
