Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Randomize
