oh god the rape fog is back!
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
