bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
