summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize