Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Randomize
