I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
