Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
