She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
