go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
