**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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