Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
