i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
