I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
