Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
