So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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