So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
