Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
