stop calling my apartment porn island.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
bring money and cleavage
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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