i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm having to shit out rocks
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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