True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
