This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
