So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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