I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
