P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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