Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
