that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Operation Purity has been aborted
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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