did you get engaged???
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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