either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize