fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
