Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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