and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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