Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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