hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
