I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
