i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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