its not stalking. its research.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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