did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
