new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
