so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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