I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
How's work?
Spinning.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
