i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
