just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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