I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
