I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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