i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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