sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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