if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
where are my pants?
in the oven.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize