Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
