if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
