i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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