I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
