WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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