Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize