did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
