Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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