I should be sponsored by Trojan
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
