I think i peed on brittanys purse
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
